<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>take my hand and i’ll never let you go by orphan_account</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22362379">take my hand and i’ll never let you go</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account'>orphan_account</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Coping with Death, F/M, Gingerflower, HEA, Happy Ending, Mild Sexual Content, Mourning, Not Beta Read, Potentially OOC, The Only Good Thing to Come from TROS is GingerFlower, Two Parter, bittersweet angst, counseling sessions</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-01-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 10:21:45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,979</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22362379</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Armitage Hux attends grief counseling sessions after the passing of his father. He does not respond well to the sessions, but the only thing that keeps him going is a woman by the name of Rose Tico.</p><p>Relunctant at first, the two eventually bond over their losses, only to fall in love... </p><p>... but grieving is never an easy thing.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Armitage Hux/Rose Tico, Rey/Ben Solo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>50</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“ Alright, so, let’s get this session started,” said a middle aged woman with salt and pepper hair and a warm expression. “ My name is Amilyn and I’m one of the counselors here at Eternal Hope. I’ll be leading the sessions but I won’t impede and simply listen. I’ve been here for about ten years now, so I completely understand what all of you are going through. I was once in your shoes and this program helped me deal with the loss.”</p><p>For most in seated in the circle, there was bittersweet smiles as they held the program pamphlets in their hand. Some, who had grown acquainted with each other, gave supportive side hugs while others sat quietly, caught within their own grief. </p><p>A red headed man silently scoffed behind the lip of his metal tumbler. He took a sip, appreciating the lukewarm black coffee spiked with scotch. It was a home remedy; considered it medicine for his scorned, bitter soul. He took another sip and closed the lid. He hoped he’d be drunk before the sob story time.</p><p>“ I think we should all introduce ourselves. I know some of you have met before here at the hospital, but some of you are fresh faces and I think it’ll make the healing process a lot more smoother if we all got to know each other.” Amilyn said as she looked at the group of seven. “ Does anyone want to go first?”</p><p>A young woman with black hair pulled into a tight bun slowly raised her hand. She looked at the group and then at Amilyn, bringing her hand to the half crescent pendant resting on her chest. She took a breath, gathering herself, “ Hi. Everyone. My name is Rose. Rose Tico.”</p><p>“ Hello Rose.”</p><p>Rose gave a shaky chuckle, “ Hi. I, uh… The hospital staff recommended this group for me. I… Just like you all I lost someone dear to me. My sister. And… we were close. Very close. She was older, but it was like we were twins.” she paused for a moment, wiping away the tears that had gathered at the corners of her brown eyes. Her voice had grown shaken and she cleared her throat. “ Anyway. I hope to be able to learn how to cope and finally be able to let go. T-thanks.”</p><p>The group clapped as Rose wiped away her silent tears with a sad smile. Across from her, the redhead watched without reacting, his green eyes glossed over. He popped the lid on the tumbler with his thumb and took another sip.</p><p>“ Thank you for coming, Rose.” Amilyn said. She looked around the group and her eyes landed on the man with the tumbler. “ How about you introduce yourself?”</p><p>He cleared his throat. “ Hello. My name is Armitage Hux. My father just died. That is all.”</p><p>It came out rougher than he had anticipated but it was short, simple, and over before anyone could dwell on what he just said. He glanced at the young woman in front of him and wondered what it was like to actually feel sadness for his father. But it was only a fleeting feeling and he gave himself another dose of his medicine to force the feeling down and out of his mind.</p><p>The room clapped.</p><p>**** </p><p>Every Wednesday at eleven in the morning the group met. Every Wednesday Amilyn Holdo listened with her soft smile and earnest eyes to every person’s grief. If they cried, she’d hug them, if they yelled, she’d encourage them to get it out, and if they were silent she simply left them alone. Everyone grieved differently, as she would say week after week, and the purpose of the meetings was to learn how to understand and cope with them.</p><p>Hux was one of the silent ones. Always sitting in the plastic fold out chair with his toxic brew of stale coffee and scotch. He wasn’t making any progress — each passing day was another day spent in quiet misery, full of bitter regret and words left unsaid. It made no sense to go to the meetings, and sometimes he contemplated staying in bed and lie in a dark silence.</p><p>There was only one thing getting him out of bed and on that city bus — a young woman with a bright smile, a sharp wit, and a compassion for others. </p><p>Rose Tico, that was her name, was a distraction. A what-if personified; if he had a relationship remotely similar to that woman’s relationship with her sister, maybe he’d feel the same way. Hopeful, full of happiness, and open to new possibilities. Hux was in awe with her.</p><p>Sometimes he felt the want to speak to her, share his story, and let her work her wonders on him — but the thought was ever what it was. A brief moment of warmth before swallowing it down with coffee and scotch.</p><p>He simply did not expect her to come to him on the fifth meeting.</p><p>**** </p><p>“ How are you feeling?”</p><p>It was cold outside and the bus stop didn’t offer much protection from the cold wind chill of Hosnian’s frigid winters, but he hadn’t expected to find Rose standing next to him, bundled up in a down jacket with ear muffs and a yellow scarf. He was always the first to leave, not wanting to be caught in a conversation with anyone from the group. Rose standing next to him caught him off guard. She always stayed behind.</p><p>“ What?”</p><p>“ Oh, I’m Rose. From the group.” she offered a gloved hand. “ We haven’t actually spoke.”</p><p>She was so much shorter than he was; he hadn’t noticed it before. Hux quickly shook her hand. His leather gloves against her wool. “ I know.”</p><p>Her expression fell.</p><p>“ Oh.” </p><p>Hux sighed. </p><p>“ My name is Armitage. I’m… alright.”</p><p>“ Ah, okay. That’s good.” Rose clasped her hands together and looked at her boots. “ I’m glad.”</p><p>It was such an odd question and her response was even odder. Had he shut her down before she even was to begin? Hux did not mean to, but he also had not expected her to talk to him either. He felt awkward, out of his comfort zone. He sucked in a breath and mentally counted to ten.</p><p>“ Why?”</p><p>“ Why what?”</p><p>“ Why do you care?”</p><p>“ Why shouldn’t I care?”</p><p>“ I don’t know. I don’t understand why you would care about some stranger at a grief counseling session.”</p><p>“ We are all in this together.” she said with an air of optimism that made him jealous. “ We need to support each other. Why else would you come to these?”</p><p>A bus pulled up to the stop. It was the twenty-eight, not his route, but he got on anyway. As he sat down in the back, he ignored the way his heart pattered against his chest or the concerned look she gave him as the bus pulled away. He finished his coffee and wished it stopped the tremble of his fingers.</p><p>**** </p><p>“ I’m glad you’re here.”</p><p>Hux looked at the woman sitting next to him — Rose Tico.</p><p>“ I’m paying for this.”</p><p>“ Well, you still showed up and that’s what counts.” Rose tucked a few loose strands of hair behind her ear. “ Some have already stopped coming.”</p><p>He looked around the room; the group had dwindled in size and he hadn’t noticed. What was once seven was now four. He had assumed he’d be the first to quit – ironic he was still there, tumbler in hand with scotch and coffee. </p><p>She didn’t look at all angry at him for what had happened the week before. In fact, she had only smirked at him, clearly wanting break through whatever barriers he had up. It almost appeared as if she was taking on a challenge. He had cocked an eyebrow.</p><p>“ Fair enough.”</p><p>He was surprised at himself that he was so willing to accept that challenge.</p><p>**** </p><p>She sat next to him every Wednesday. Every morning, he had expected to see her smiling brightly at him as he walked into the meeting room, tumbler in hand and dressed impeccable to her casual and relaxed jeans and sweaters. He had grown used to feeling her warmth next to him, the soft perfume she wore enveloping his senses. </p><p>Small talk at the bus stop was expected. He had actually looked forward to the impersonal conversations about the weather or little observations.</p><p>Rose became a constant he did not know he needed.</p><p>He simply didn’t understand why someone like her would gravitate towards him.</p><p>**** </p><p>“ Do you like pizza?”</p><p>Hux shrugged his shoulders. “ I’m not found of it.”</p><p>“ Oh.” Rose chewed on her lower lip, thought for a moment, and then asked, “ What do you like?”</p><p>“ A pint.”</p><p>“ A pint.”</p><p>He rubbed his gloved hands for warmth. She pulled her scarf closer to her face.</p><p>“ Beer.” He glanced at her. “ I like beer.”</p><p>Rose did not look off put by the admission. In fact, her eyes crinkled into something he assumed was a smile — he couldn’t see the lower half of her face — and his heart leaped in some form of relief. </p><p>“ I know a place,” she said, “ A place with good beer and pizza. Wanna come?”</p><p>The thirty-two bus pulled up to the bus stop — his bus — and the doors opened. Hux looked at the open door, contemplating her offer; his heart thumped, his mouth went dry, and he stood there as the doors closed and the bus pulled out.</p><p>It was only a minute but it felt like hours.</p><p>“ Sure,” he said, looking at her. “ Where to?”</p><p>**** </p><p>She ate like a woman starved. Unrefined, large bites of pizza that could barely fit in a small mouth. She talked as she ate; about her job (she was a lab assistant), about her pet (a dog), and of her friends (a hodgepodge group of what he considered to be slackers — artists and musicians). He sat and listened as he slowly drank his beer, amused by the young woman named Rose.</p><p>“ What about you? I know nothing about you.” Rose said, wiping her hands with a paper napkin.</p><p>“ There’s nothing interesting about me to talk about.”</p><p>She cocked an eyebrow. “ Lies. That accent alone is interesting. Obviously, you’re from Coruscant.”</p><p>“ That’s where you’re wrong,” Hux smirked, “ I’m from Arkanis.”</p><p>Rose made a face, finding it hard to believe. “ Your accent isn’t an Arkanis accent.”</p><p>“ I was raised outside of Coruscant.” He drummed his finders against the tabletop. “ So you’re partially correct.”</p><p>With a roll of her eyes, Rose sighed and balled up a napkin. She threw it at him and laughed as it bounced off his forehead. He frowned and she stopped laughing, suddenly aware that perhaps she made had stepped too far. </p><p>“ Look, I’m sorry. I didn’t —“</p><p>He threw the paper ball back, hitting her right on her nose. Rose blinked and he laughed. </p><p>Soon, there was a battle of paper balls and wills between pizza and beer.</p><p>**** </p><p>Pizza and beer.</p><p>That’s how they spent their Wednesdays after the group meetings; riding the ten bus to the pizza shop on the corner of Third and Revolution Boulevard. Then spending time talking, eating, and drinking. </p><p>It had been for a few moments in the beginning, but the time spent at the pizza shop turned into an hour, then two, until they were spending hours in each other’s company.</p><p>There were places he needed to be. Reports that needed to be filed. But none of it mattered as long as she was there with him. She had managed to fill something in his soul that had been missing for quite some time. Something that finally made him feel alive. Something that made him stop putting the scotch in his coffee in the morning.</p><p>The pizza was good. The beer was alright. </p><p>But the time spent with Rose was wonderful.</p><p>It was on their sixth Wednesday at the pizza shop did Hux realized that he had fallen for the small woman. </p><p>“ Rose,” he said quietly, his beer untouched. “ Would you… would you like…”</p><p>She was in the middle of eating one of the two slices of pepperoni pizza she always ordered. With a mouth full of food, she looked at the man sitting across from her, “ Hun?”</p><p>“ Would you care to join me for dinner. This Friday.”</p><p>Rose stared at Hux with wide eyes. She slowly chewed and swallowed the pizza she had been eating.  Hux felt warm. Did he step out of line? Wouldn’t this be the next step in getting to know someone? Her reaction had embarrassed him. He was sure that his face was redder than the pizza sauce clinging at the corner of her mouth. He felt the urge to wipe it away with his finger, but the humiliation of the moment suppressed it.</p><p>It didn’t make sense for him to have those feelings, especially if he completely misread their situation. It was not as if the two of them were actual friends — acquaintances, perhaps, but not friends. </p><p>Were they just acquaintances?</p><p>Hux, in that moment, did not know anymore. His mind continued to go over the minute details, like a computer system scanning for missing files, only to come up with no results. </p><p>The longer they sat in that awkward silence, the more he began to regret the decision to ask her.</p><p>He picked up his beer and brought it to his lips.</p><p>“ Actually, forget— “</p><p>“ Yes!” she blurted out, round cheeks flushed. Hux blinked and she covered her mouth. “ Yes. I’d… yes. Yes, please.”</p><p>He put the mug back down and his lips quirked into a small smile.</p><p>**** </p><p>Wearing a suit was a normal for someone meeting an acquaintance for dinner. That was what Hux tried to convince himself as he stood in front of the bus stop where Rose and he would meet every Wednesday after their counseling sessions. It was not as if he had went above and beyond in his choice of dress — he usually attended the sessions in a dress shirt and slacks — but perhaps it was the tie he was wearing, or the fact that he had decided to get his hair cut, or maybe the effort he put in wearing his best cologne. </p><p>It was nothing more than proper attire for dinner with an acquaintance. </p><p>He simply did not expect to see her stepping off the fifteen bus in black heels, skirt, and a peacock coat. When he looked at her face, he had not expected his heart to jump at the beauty of her face, at how her eye makeup accented the eyes he had grown to love or the way her crimson rouge brought out her lips in a way that made him lick his own in anticipation. </p><p>It was only a dinner. </p><p>**** </p><p>It wasn’t pizza and beer. It was red wine and steak. It was piano music and waiters in black bowties. It was light conversations under dim warm yellow and orange lights. He felt light — lighter than he had ever felt in his life in those moments across from her. </p><p>“ Is there something on my face?” Rose asked bringing a hand to her cheek. </p><p>Hux blinked and shook his head. “ No, no. I’m sorry. Was I staring?”</p><p>She laughed and nodded. “ Yeah, yeah you were.”</p><p>He picked up his glass of wine and took a sip. It only made the flutter in his chest worst.</p><p>When she reached out and brushed her fingers against his atop of the table, he swore he could feel the electrical shock radiate throughout his body. His green eyes came up to look into the dark brown ones of Rose and he realized in that moment, as he intertwined their fingers together and held her hand, that she was more than a simple acquaintance. </p><p>She was someone he had cared about.</p><p>**** </p><p>Her apartment was what he had expected it’d be — warm and lived in. Fairy lights hung from the ceiling, a flower display on the kitchenette table, a couch with pillows and a throw, and books among books in cases lining the walls of the living room. Books about cooking, books about computers, books about engineering, books about psychology… His fingers ran through the spines as he read them, an eclectic collection that seemed all too much like her.</p><p>When she emerged from the kitchen with two glasses of white wine, shoes off, hair down, and much shorter in her red and black dress, he had wondered if he should have taken his bus back to his side of town. But, he took the glass and followed her to the couch, where they sat down and continued talking about everything and anything that wasn’t personally about them.</p><p>It was when the empty glasses were discarded on the coffee table next to them, and her legs curled beneath her on the couch as she leaned into the cushions, staring at him with glossy eyes and a warm smile, Hux had realized that perhaps this was about to go someplace that he knew that he would not be able to turn back from. As Rose took his hand into his, skin upon skin not leather against wool, he silently gasped as he looked at their hands. </p><p>“ Your hands are so soft,” she murmured as she looked at each one of his digits. </p><p>He licked his lips and slowly watched as she brought his fingers to her mouth. </p><p>“ Rose, I…” </p><p>She pressed a kiss to each digit. Soft, warm, and slow. He closed his eyes and allowed himself to give into the feeling, to each kiss against his inner hand, against his palm, against the pulse point of his wrist. He felt the couch shift, and her moving closer to him, and her hands against his chin, his cheek. </p><p>“ I want to feel whole again,” she whispered. Rose leaned forward, traced her lips against his cheek, to the side of his mouth.</p><p>“ M-me, too,” he said. </p><p>When they kissed, Hux had finally felt alive. </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>no beta. some brief sexual content. whoops.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He left that night with his heart full and his lips kissed. He promised to see her again and she told him that she would be waiting for him.</p><p>But the words that had stuck with him that night on his way home was the simple, “ Thank you for letting me in,” whispered against his jaw between lazy kisses.</p><p>He cherished them.</p><p>****</p><p>“ I just wanted to say that I am glad that you all have managed to make it to the end of the program,” Amilyn Holdo said. “ I know this has been an experience for all of you, but I’ve seen progress and I think that we’ve learned how to cope with our losses.”</p><p>Hux sat and glanced at his hands on his lap. He didn’t feel much different about his father — in fact he had remained as indifferent as he had felt when he stepped through the doors on the first day — yet, the tumbler only held coffee, and he didn’t feel the need to lie in bed all day. It could have been the therapy, and he probably would have admitted if asked.</p><p>He knew that the sessions did nothing for him. His change was for the woman sitting next to him. The woman that he would sneak glances at whenever Amilyn counseled the group. The woman who’s fingers he would brush against with his own hand when no one was looking. The woman who’s smile lit up his world whenever they would share pizza and beer.</p><p>He was so helplessly in love, it didn’t matter to him that his father died in a hospital thousands of miles away without him by his side, or that he didn’t go the funeral, or the bitter regret of words left unsaid gnawing at the back of his mind. When he was with Rose, all of his personal problems ceased to exist. He could forget about them. She was his medicine.</p><p>“ We’ve come to the part of the program where we’ll act as emotional support for each other. If you need to reach out, you have my number. And don’t worry; I’ll always pick up. That’s it and thank you all for sharing this journey.”</p><p>Amilyn smiled and stood up to speak with the members, thanking them for showing up and supportive words. When Hux stood up and gathered his things, Amilyn walked over to him, a small smile on her face yet her eyes with concern.</p><p>“ Armitage,”  she said, “ how have you been?”</p><p>Hux shrugged. “ I’m fine.”</p><p>Amilyn put her hand on his shoulder. He stiffened from the action and she pulled her hand away, continuing with what she wanted to tell him.</p><p>“ I just want you to know that it is okay to grieve. Don’t keep it inside of you.”</p><p>“ I’m fine,” he said, eyes drifting to where Rose stood, as she spoke to one of the group members, “ Don’t worry. I’m fine.”</p><p>“ Okay.” she paused for a moment, thinking of something else to say, and then settled on, “ See you again, Armitage.”</p><p>He watched as she walked to the next person, carding his fingers through his hair with a quiet sigh. He scanned the room for Rose, looking forward to their ritual and found her standing by the exit looking down at her phone, her thumb moving swiftly over the screen. He walked over to her and stood there, not saying anything, as he waited for her to notice him standing in front of her.</p><p>Rose chuckled as she continued to text. “ You’re ready?”</p><p>“ Who are you texting?”</p><p>The phone made a <em>swoosh</em> sound and then a click before she pocked it in the back pocket of her jeans. She looked up at Hux and gave him a smile. “ A friend. She’s invited me to an engagement party.”</p><p>Hux shouldered his bag and the two started walking to the bus stop, talking about the friend and the engagement party, unaware of how Amilyn watched them from afar shaking her head.</p><p>****</p><p>The first time they had sex, Hux felt like a nervous young man awkward in his own body. He felt inadequate as she removed his shirt and replaced the cotton with warm kisses against his pale skin. He couldn’t stop shaking when she took his fingers into her mouth and gently sucked on them. He thought he was undeserving when she sank onto him and whispered how much she had loved the way he made her feel.</p><p>****</p><p>“ You need to stop being so negative.” Rose said. Her fingers trailed up and down his arm. “ You’re beautiful.”</p><p>“ I’m pale. Skinny. Freckled —“</p><p>Rose pressed a finger against his lips. He quieted and kissed it instead, his lips curling into a smile. She pulled her hand away, brushing some of his hair out of his eyes before dropping it between them as she laid on her side.</p><p>“ I love your smile.”</p><p>He made a face and she laughed. He did not take well to compliments and Rose had quickly learned this. It gave her more of a reason to pepper him with soft words, praise, and admiration whenever they were together. It was these moments that Hux had felt normal, not like the wounded cur that his father had made him into. He languished in them even if his first instinctive reaction was to rebuff and deflect.</p><p>“ Your taste in men is quite questionable,” Hux said. There was a small smile on his face as he looked up at the ceiling accented with warm glowing fairy lights.</p><p>“ I find my taste in men quite reasonable, Mister Hux.” She rolled onto her back. “ I find your taste in women, on the contrary, quite peculiar.”</p><p>The bed shifted as he slowly sat up. He looked down at her and slowly caressed her cheek. “ No, I believe I have fallen for perfection.”</p><p>She scoffed with a roll of her eyes, but he continued his praise; his hand trailing down every curve, rise, and dip of her body.</p><p>“ I am truly lucky to have someone like you.” He said between kisses against her warm, sensitive skin.</p><p>She responded with a gasp once she felt his mouth at the apex of her thighs and melted when he consumed her like tea and honey.</p><p>****</p><p>The pizza shop had turned into Wednesday evenings at her apartment, sitting on her couch, drinking and watching mundane television. Sometimes it was filled with conversation, other times it was peaceful silence with the television show humming in the background as they occupied themselves with hungry mouths and desperate hands.</p><p>They always were in her space. He always occupied her world.</p><p>In the post coital haze of wine, reality television, and blissful ignorance he always wondered what it would it be like to invite her into his world. To his space. As she curled into him, hands splayed across flushed skin, he debated about the right time to take that plunge and reveal his truth to her.</p><p>What would she think of his apartment – bare except for the essentials needed for survival. White walls and cheap furniture. A refrigerator with nothing more than alcohol and frozen dinners. Black curtains covering windows and cigarette trays filled with ash. Would she be as welcoming then? Would she still love a broken man?</p><p>He had opened his mouth, the invite heavy on his tongue, but then whispered something about having to leave because of work in the morning. She doesn’t ask – she never asks – and walks him out, dressed in one of the shirts he had left behind from one of their previous Wednesdays shared with wine and caresses.</p><p>She waited for him to come back the following week. He always came back.</p><p>****</p><p>“ I think you should come with me.” Rose said as she looked up at the ceiling of her bedroom, her fingers idly combing through Hux’s hair. She felt his lips press against her hip as he traveled up her body, her legs bracketing him, marked with red from his lips and teeth.</p><p>Hux pressed a kiss below her belly button and looked up at her. “ What?”</p><p>Rose meet his eyes. “ I think you should come with me to the engagement party.”</p><p>Hux sat up, kneeling between her legs, and carded his fingers through his hair. Instinctively he wanted to tell her no; the idea of meeting her friends terrifying, as if it was crossing a line that he had not prepared himself for. An odd thought to have, especially as he sat there naked with the woman he loved, in a post coital haze.</p><p>He frowned slightly, chewing on his lower lip, as he looked at the eggshell colored wall as his mind processed the invitation. He could feel Rose shift beneath him, her warmth leaving him as she sat up on the bed, pulling her knees up to her chest.</p><p>She rested her chin on her knees, wrapping her arms around her legs. “ What’s wrong.”</p><p>Hux looked at Rose. “ Nothing’s wrong.”</p><p>She knew he was lying. He could never conceal his thoughts, his face always a raging storm of emotions, but she had been with him long enough to know that something was wrong.</p><p>“ If you don’t want to go, it’s fine. I can go without you.” she said.</p><p>She wasn’t smiling, but she didn’t look angry either, she simply looked indifferent. Disappointed, perhaps? Hux didn’t know. He reached for her ankles, gently pulling her down the mattress until she was on her back again and his lips were brushing against the inside of her ankle. She wiggled her foot away and he let go.</p><p>He had loved her – the feeling he got whenever he touched her skin was like fireworks launching into a hot summer night – but the idea of assimilating into her world frightened him. Things had been so impersonal between them, safe, careful, strictly built upon an attraction. He could love from afar.</p><p>It was easier that way.</p><p>He covered her body with his, burying his face into the crook of her neck. He breathed her in and mumbled apologies against her sensitive skin. He pulled away and looked down into her eyes. She cupped his cheek and, as if she had understood everything going through his head, kissed him softly on the lips.</p><p>“ I’ll think about it.” Hux said after a few moments. “ I’ll… let you know.”</p><p>****</p><p>Her smile when he showed up at her apartment dressed in a slate colored suit and tie with a box of pastries from the local bakery made his heart swell. He engraved it into his memory, never wanting to forget how bright it was, how happy she was to see him there in her floral patterned sun dress.</p><p>“ I hope I’m not late.” he said.</p><p>She shook her head and closed the door behind her and locked it. Even in heels, she barely reached his shoulder in height. She put her keys away in her purse.</p><p>“ You’re right on time.”</p><p>They walked to the bus stop, her arm linked through his, and talked about everything but themselves.</p><p>****</p><p>Their names were Ben and Rey and they looked like the sun and moon gods themselves had came to down to earth to greet their mortal observers. Tall and elegant in her ivory dress and black suit, they moved around the apartment in the upper east side of Coruscant, attached by the hip, greeting their visitors with light conversations and infectious laughter.</p><p>They were of a different world from Rose and him. Old money marrying, powerful legacies uniting and causing a storm within the societal magazines that dominated their world. He had heard about them — the complicated Skywalker clan and the Palpatines — he simply couldn’t understand how anyone in this room fit into it. It reminded him of a King and Queen surrounded by their court of commoners.</p><p>He kept close to Rose, seeking her warmth every so often as he intertwined their hands together whenever they encountered another friend of a friend or complete strangers. Occasionally she would look at him and he would shake his head and mouthed that it was nothing— that he was fine.</p><p>But he wasn’t and Rose knew this.</p><p>“ Do you want to leave?” she asked.</p><p>They were in the study, surrounded by books from floor to ceiling contained in old mahogany wood cases. Antique furniture that adorned the room felt more like set pieces than something of actual use. The party continued beyond the closed double doors — muffled music and laughter. Hux looked at the books; old and antiquated stories from Alderaaan, a country decimated by war, a royal house displaced.</p><p>It only reminded him of how much he was out of his comfort area.</p><p>“ I’m fine, Rose.” he lied.</p><p>“ No, you’re not.”</p><p>“ I’m fine.”</p><p>“ We can honestly go. There’s nothing else going on.”</p><p>Hux turned around and looked at Rose, hands clasped behind his back. She looked concerned as she stood in front of the double doors — was he that obvious? He took a deep breath and walked over to her. She looked up at him and he gently brought his hand to her face, tucking some of her soft black hair behind her ear.</p><p>“ I’m sorry.”</p><p>She hummed with a shake of her head. “ I’m glad you came with me.” Rose pressed a kiss against his lips, light yet full of love, and took his hand into her own.  “ Let’s say goodbye before we go. Don’t wanna be rude.”</p><p>When they walked over to the engaged couple to let them know they were leaving, Rey stopped talking to one of the guests and quickly embraced Rose in a tight hug.</p><p>“ I’m so glad you made it!” Rey said as they pulled apart. She looked at the man standing next to Rose and she grinned. “ And this gentlemen is?”</p><p>Rose blushed and she held him tighter. “ Armitage Hux. My boyfriend.”</p><p>Hux looked at Rose. His heart leapt in his chest. His mind erupted in so many questions. They never put a name on it. They never had considered what their relationship was. Things had just… happened. He had toyed with the word — with the idea of Rose being more than the woman who happened to make him feel again. He would roll his tongue over the two syllables to himself, too foreign and odd in his mouth to utter out loud.</p><p>.Hearing her acknowledge that they were a couple. He couldn’t help but smile.</p><p>“ Boyfriend?” Rey said playfully. “ You never said you had a boyfriend.”</p><p>Her fiancé, Ben, raised a curious eyebrow and extended his hand out to Hux. “ Hi, there. I’m Ben.”</p><p>Hux took his hand and gave it a firm shake. “ Nice to meet you.”</p><p>“ You know what? I think that we all should go on a double date.” Rey said. She wrapped her arms around Ben’s waist and rested her chin on his shoulder. Ben pressed a kiss atop the crown of her head.</p><p> “ How about it, Ben?”</p><p>“ I think it’d be interesting.”</p><p>“ Rose? Armitage?”</p><p>They looked so comfortable with each other, Hux thought. He felt a small tinge of shame at himself as he thought about Rose — he should hold her, kiss her, make her feel loved in public. Yet his fear and anxiety kept him from pulling her closer, to kiss her, to let the world know that she belonged to him.</p><p>He looked at Rose and she looked at him.</p><p>
  <em>Do you want to?</em>
</p><p>She was asking him with her eyes. Rose was inviting him into her world. She wanted to share her life with him and Hux felt as if he didn’t deserve any of it. But she loved him — <em>loved</em> him — and he decided to take the first step.</p><p>“ Sure,” Hux said, his heart overflowing with warmth as Rose smiled brightly at him, “ Let’s.”</p><p>He intertwined their hands together and slowly brought them to his mouth. He pressed a kiss against her knuckles. She kissed him back on the lips.</p><p>No one else existed at that moment.</p><p>****</p><p>Rose knew the sole heir of the Palpatine fortune from college. Both studied engineering and were the only women in most of their labs. Ben was an adjunct and research assistant working towards his doctoral in Alderaan studies. Rey and Ben had known each other through their families’ social circles, but there was never an interest to speak to one another because of the history between the two clans.</p><p>That was what Hux has learned when they all met for the double date weeks after the engagement party.</p><p>“ We didn’t like each other at first,” Ben said as they stood outside the restaurant waiting for their partners. “ She is a Palpatine and I’m technically a Skywalker. There’s a lot of bad blood between our families, if you didn’t know that already, but there was just something there… Something that attracted me to her. I couldn’t explain it.”</p><p> “ I understand that feeling.” Hux said.</p><p>“ Sometimes you can just look at someone and know immediately that they’re the one.”</p><p>It was surreal for Hux to casually talk about something so personal with someone like Ben Solo. He was so open, so carefree with expressing himself and his love for his fiancé. He spoke of her like she was the sun in his sky; without her his world would go dark. Rey was everything to him and Hux realized that he had understood that feeling, something that he believed he could never experience prior to meeting Rose.</p><p>“ Is it always like this?” Hux asked.</p><p>“ Like what?”</p><p>“ Full of happiness. No fighting. No negativity.”</p><p>Ben shook his head and carded his fingers through his hair. “ No. Not always. But I like that we are not perfect. I like that we can fight over something and make up for it afterwards. If we were perfect, it wouldn’t be a relationship—it’d be a farce. A lie. If you’re too afraid to take the leap, then why are you even committing yourself to that person? You’re hurting yourself and you’re hurting them.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i lied, there's going to be three parts.<br/>thank you all for reading. your comments! your kudos! i cant believe it! thank you!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>